Dealing With the Truth
by mags1587
Summary: Set after 'Entropy', crossover with Angel. Xander's in LA after finding out something he really didn't want to know in the first place...
1. Chapter 1

"Dealing With the Truth"  
  
by Maggie C.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: Set after "Entropy" (BVS) and "The Price" (ATS). Somewhere, someone mentioned this idea and I tried to let it go, but after seeing Entropy, I wondered how much more stress Xander could handle. I decided to post the first chapter before I lost my nerve. Fair warning: to make this fit with the two shows, I have ignored or changed some of the things that happened in Angel. Feedback is welcome.   
  
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Xander was thrown across the room and landed painfully on the ground. "God damn it!" he yelled. He took a moment to look around at the others. Sahjhan was pummeling everyone in the lobby of the Hyperion. Cordy and some other guy were on one side of the room, and Cordy was doing her best to keep the guy from jumping back into the fight despite the nasty looking cut on his head. Another guy and the demon were keeping watch over another girl. And Angel was getting his ass kicked. Xander glowered at him for a moment, but he knew that he had to act. He got to his feet and grabbed the ax. "I am fucking tired of this shit!" He approached the monster again. "Hey, ugly! Let's wrap this up, already!"  
  
"The urn is destroyed, you won't trap me again. And you cannot kill me, human," he said. Sahjhan looked at Angel. "Only one was destined to stop me, no other can-" his words were cut off as Xander buried his ax deep in his neck.   
  
"Fuck destiny," Xander said, kicking the monster as he died. He threw the ax down. "That's it, I am through with you people!" He started for the door.   
  
"Xander, wait!" Cordelia said.   
  
He spun around. "No! You know what? I'm out of here! I don't want to see any of you ever again, so everyone, have a nice life." He looked at Angel. "Except you. I hope you have a miserable existence."  
  
"Xander, you never said why you came here in the first place!" she said.  
  
"I came here to kill that thing," he said. "Now it's dead, everyone's happy, and I'm gone." He started to leave again.   
  
Gunn got in his way. "Now wait just a minute-"  
  
Xander glared at him. "I don't know you, I don't want to know you, now get the fuck out of my way," he said.   
  
"What do you mean you came here to kill that thing?" Angel demanded. "How did you even know about it? And who the hell told you about Connor?"  
  
Xander turned around and shook his head. "This is just perfect," he said. "Deadboy, you're a real piece of work, you know that? I just saved your ass here!"  
  
"No one asked you to!" Angel yelled. "This was my fight. He took my son away from me, I should have been the one to kill him!"  
  
"Oh, like you were doing such a good job of it," Xander said. "Listen, asshole, I sure as hell didn't come up here for you. I came up here because I didn't want Cordy dead, and I knew she'd be stupid enough to die for a piece of shit like you."  
  
"Hey!" Cordelia said. "Xander, where the hell do you get off talking like that?"   
  
"I can talk however the hell I want!" he yelled. "God only knows why all the women in my life want to sleep with vampires. What the hell is such a turn on about a dead body and cold skin?" Cordelia stared at him, shocked.   
  
Lorne grabbed Angel before he could charge at Xander. "Okay, let's remember that this guy did just save our lives, here. We probably shouldn't kill him."  
  
Angel glared at Xander. "Listen, you little-"  
  
Xander glared at him. "Don't start with me," he said. "I swear to God, I am not in the mood for your shit right now."  
  
"Hey man, you're the one with the attitude," Gunn said.   
  
Xander turned to him. "Will you just stay the fuck out of this already? This is between me and the people I hate, which, at this point, pretty much covers everyone I know."  
  
"Xander, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked. "Don't tell me you've gotten possessed, because if you have, Buffy's going to be pissed." Xander whirled around and advanced a couple of steps towards her. Cordelia actually took a step back at the look on his face.   
  
"Trust me," he said, his voice quiet and deadly. "I learned exactly what Buffy thought of me last night. She doesn't give a damn, she never did."  
  
"Xander, that's not-" He didn't even pretend to listen to her, he just turned around.   
  
"Wait, please, how do you know about Connor?" Fred asked. "Do you know where he is?"  
  
Xander glanced at her, and he couldn't bring himself to snap at her earnest face. "Wesley told me. You should ask him." He looked at the rest of them. "Provided he'll talk to any of you after you treated him like shit." He glared at Angel. "Not to mention trying to *kill* him."  
  
Angel shook off Lorne's hands. "How dare you?" Angel growled. "You have no right to judge me. He took my son away from me."  
  
"Wesley would have done anything to protect Connor," Xander said. "He may have made a mistake or two, but he nearly died trying to protect him. What happened with Holtz and Sahjhan was not his fault."  
  
"He took my son!" Angel yelled. "You don't have any idea what that feels like!"  
  
"I don't care!" Xander yelled back. "The point is that he did his best and if you really gave a damn about him, you'd give him a chance to make it up!"  
  
"He took my son away from me! He can never make that up!"  
  
"You know what? Why the hell should I care?" Xander said. "I'm through. Through with the Hellmouth, through with vampires, through with all of you!"  
  
Angel and Cordelia both went to stop him, and Cordelia got there first. She grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Okay, what do you mean, you're through with the Hellmouth?"  
  
"I'm not going back."  
  
"So, what, you're abandoning your friends?" she accused.   
  
He shook off her hand. "Friends? Yeah, right! Not one person in that town gives a damn about me!"  
  
"That's not true." They all spun around to see Buffy standing at the entrance with Wesley.   
  
Xander shook his head. "No. No way," he said, turning around and starting for the other exit  
  
"Xander, don't run away from me," Buffy said, struggling to keep her face calm. "I care about you, and-"  
  
"You care about me?" he spun around. "That's a load of crap! How the hell can you say that, after what you did!"  
  
"If you really cared about her, you'd give her a chance to make it up to you," Angel said, throwing Xander's words back in his face.   
  
Xander clenched his fist and looked like he was about to charge Angel, but then he changed his mind. "You think so, huh? She slept with Spike," he spat. Angel's angry look faded into surprise, and shocked looks appeared on the faces of everyone who knew who Spike was.   
  
"Xander, please," Buffy said. Xander pinned his glare on her again, but she didn't back down. "I made a mistake, Xander. A big one."  
  
"You slept with that *thing*," he said. "More than once. God, Buffy, you lied to us! You lied to all of us!"  
  
"I was wrong," she said. "I know that. After you brought me back, I couldn't feel anything. Going and - doing what I did-"  
  
He stared at her incredulously. "Are you actually going to say that this is my fault? God damn it, why the hell is everyone sleeping with Spike *my* fault?"  
  
Buffy's gaze never once wavered from Xander's. "No, it's not your fault. Sleeping with him was my decision, and it was wrong. I'm just trying to explain."  
  
"I don't want to hear your explanations!" he said, starting to leave.   
  
"Xander, don't you run!" Buffy said, tears slipping down her face. "You face me and we deal with this!"  
  
He shook his head. "No! I don't want to *deal* anymore! I've had enough!" Tears were filling his eyes, now, too. "I'm tired of all the shit that always happens to me, I'm tired of getting raked over the coals for screwing up while Willow always gets the happy ending, and I'm tired of not getting any respect from my so-called friends!"  
  
"I do respect you, Xander," Buffy said.   
  
"You fucked him right in front of me!" he screamed. Buffy flinched and more tears started falling, but she didn't look away. "You were invisible, I was in the room, and you were fucking him! How the hell can you say that you respect me when you did that!?"   
  
"I was wrong, Xander. I was wrong and I was messed up and I did horrible things, because I couldn't feel anything and feeling bad was better than nothing," Buffy said. "I was using Spike, because I didn't care about him, about how he felt or if I hurt him."  
  
"Do you think that makes it better?"  
  
"No," she said. "I know it doesn't. I'm not making excuses here, Xander. I'm just explaining, because I don't want to lose you." She swallowed hard. "Please, Xander, come home. Let me make up for the way I hurt you."  
  
"I can't," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't anymore, Buffy."  
  
She bit her lip. "Is this about me, or is this about what Wesley told you?"   
  
Xander's eyes widened. "Don't," he warned. "Please, just... just don't."  
  
"Perhaps you'd like to continue talking somewhere more private?" Wesley suggested.  
  
Buffy glanced at him thankfully and then looked back to Xander. "Please, Xander? Can we just talk?"  
  
Xander closed his eyes. "Fine," he said. "We'll talk."  
  
After casting a wary look around the room, Wesley's gaze settled on Fred. "Ah, Fred, could you...?"  
  
"Sure," she said. She looked at Buffy and Xander. "Um... follow me."   
  
They followed Fred out of the room, falling into step with each other. "I'm still mad at you, you know," Xander said.   
  
Buffy nodded. "I know."  
  
Once they were gone, Angel and the others looked to Wesley. "Okay, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked.   
  
Wesley looked around. "Perhaps there are injuries that should be dealt with, first?"  
  
"We're all fine," Angel said, glaring at Wesley. "Now talk."  
  
Wesley sighed. "Connor was not sent to the hell dimension."  
  
"What are you talking about? I saw them go through," Angel snapped.   
  
"It wasn't a dimensional portal. It was a temporal one." He refrained from saying more than that.   
  
Cordelia was the first to figure it out. "You have *got* to be kidding me."  
  
"I'm not," he said.   
  
"You're wrong," she said. "There is no way-"  
  
"I'm not wrong." Wesley glanced at Angel, who had a blank look on his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sure about this."  
  
Fred walked back into the room and came up next to Gunn. "What's going on?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Not quite sure," Gunn said. "I think Wesley figured out where Connor, is, though."  
  
"That's great!" she said. She looked around, noting Angel's shocked look and Cordelia's incredulous and angry one. "Uh, isn't it?"  
  
"Doesn't look like it," Gunn said.   
  
"Wesley," Cordelia said. "There has to be some sort of mistake! This is just insane!"  
  
"I'm sorry," Wesley said again. "I'm certain about this. Xander is Connor." He looked at Angel. "He's your son." 


	2. Chapter 2

"Dealing With the Truth" - Chapter 2  
  
by Maggie C.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: Wow, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this story! I had a very good Monday thanks to you guys. *g* I sort of expected the cliffhanger I left to get some attention, but I had no idea how much it would bring or how positive it would be. I hope you all continue to enjoy it.   
  
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Fred had taken them to one of the rooms in the hotel. There was a couch, a chair, and a coffee table in the room, but no other furniture. Xander had gone directly to the window, not saying a single word. Buffy fidgeted on the couch while she waited for him to make the first move, but after a few minutes of watching him stare out the window, her impatience got the better of her.   
  
"So, can we talk?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.   
  
He didn't turn around. "How'd you find out, anyway? Did Wesley call you?"  
  
"No. I was looking for you, and I found Wesley's message on your machine. I called him and he told me."  
  
"And you rushed right over," Xander said.   
  
"Of course I did," she said.   
  
He looked at her. "For me or for Angel?"  
  
"Who am I talking to?" she retorted. "Xander, listen to me. It doesn't matter."  
  
He exploded. "How the hell can you say that? I'm not even human anymore!"  
  
"That is not true," she said.  
  
"Isn't it?" he asked. "My parents are *vampires*, Buffy."  
  
"So what?" she asked. "You're not. You're you, you're Xander, and nothing is going to change that."  
  
"This changes that," he said. "Where you come from *matters*, Buffy."   
  
"Not as much as you seem to think it does," she insisted. "Okay, yes, your parents were vampires. Yes, you're displaced in time. Do you honestly think that's going to matter with the people who care about you?"  
  
He threw her a look. "Oh, stop with the act, already, Buffy."  
  
That brought her up short. "What act?"  
  
"The 'caring friend' act you're pulling to try and get me to forgive you," he retorted.   
  
Buffy glared at him. "Okay, one, this is *not* an act, I do care about you, and two, this is not about trying to get you to forgive me."  
  
He snorted in disbelief and shook his head. "I'm supposed to believe that?"  
  
"Yes. It's the truth," she said.  
  
"How can you care about me after what you did?" he snapped.   
  
She narrowed her eyes. "Okay, since we're obviously not going to get past the me and Spike thing anytime soon, let's just get it all out." He glared at her. "I screwed up, Xander. I know this. It was just-"  
  
"I don't want to hear your explanations!" he said. "You can't explain this away, Buffy!"  
  
She got up and stalked over to him. "Then what do you want? I know things aren't right, but I want to make them right. Tell me how to do that!"  
  
"It's not that easy!"  
  
"Damn it, Xander, I'm not about to throw away six years of friendship just because it might be hard!"  
  
He glared at her. "You've known me for six years, but can you honestly say you've been my friend for six years?"  
  
Buffy blinked at him in confusion. "What the hell does that mean?"  
  
He shook his head. "Forget it," he said, turning away.   
  
"Oh, no you don't," she said. She grabbed his arm and got in front of him. "What did you mean by that?"  
  
"I *said* forget it." He shook off her hand  
  
"I will not." She glared at him. "Tell me."  
  
"Fine, have it your way," he said. "Most of the time, you barely remember I exist. Willow does it too. Then, something happens, and you guys remember me, but it lasts about a month, at most, and then I'm back to being ignored again! I'm sick of it!"  
  
"I do not do that!" she protested. "I know that when you guys brought me back I wasn't there for you, but I was doing that to everyone! You, Dawn, Willow..."  
  
"This has been going on for a lot longer than that," he said. "You guys have taken me for granted for years and I'm not taking it anymore. If I'm going to be ignored by my best friends, I'd rather just leave."  
  
She stared at him. "You honestly feel like we take you for granted? You think we don't need you?"   
  
"Yes," he said.   
  
She smacked him on the arm. "You idiot!" She started pacing. "Of course we need you! You should know that!"  
  
"I don't believe this!" he exclaimed. "You're making this my fault? I'm not *imagining* this, Buffy. I'm always the one pushed aside, I'm always the one overlooked! Jesus Christ, Giles didn't even call me for my wedding! You don't even notice I'm around most of the time!"  
  
She stopped pacing and stared at him in bewilderment. "You really feel like that?"   
  
He threw up his hands. "Oh, for- yes!"   
  
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Buffy asked.   
  
Her tone wasn't accusing, just questioning, and it caught him by surprise. "Would you have cared?"  
  
"Yes," she said. He stared at her for a minute and then sighed and sat down in the chair, holding his head in his hands.  
  
Buffy sat down on the couch. "Boy, things are more screwed up with us than I thought." He just shook his head and laughed without amusement. "So, now I guess the only question is..." she waited until he looked at her. "Are we going to fix it, or not?"  
  
* * * * * * * *   
  
Cordelia paced across the length of the office. "Come on, this has to be wrong!"  
  
"Cordy!" Angel said. She and Wesley looked at him in surprise. It was the first time he had spoken since Wesley dropped his bombshell. He glared at Wesley, and then looked at Cordelia. "The spirits he talked to, the spells he did... he's sure, okay?"  
  
Wesley looked down at the floor. He, Angel, and Cordelia had retreated to the office so he could explain his conclusion to the two of them. "I'm sorry, Angel." Angel just glared at him.   
  
"Oh my God," Cordelia said, dropping into a chair. "Xander Harris is Connor. I changed my ex-boyfriend's diapers." That got her angry looks from Angel and Wesley. "Sorry," she said apologetically. "I'll let the extremely shocking news sink in quietly."  
  
"I..." Wesley started. "It explains some things. He's had a hand in thwarting quite a lot of prophecies in Sunnydale."  
  
"Buffy," Angel said.  
  
"Well, yes," he said. "That was the big one. There were many minor ones, as well... He wasn't supposed to be there, so he changed things."  
  
"He changed everything," Angel said. He shook his head. "God damn it, this is the most..." he trailed off angrily and hit the wall.   
  
"Look on the bright side, Angel," Cordy said.   
  
"What bright side?" Angel demanded. "My son hates me more than any other person on the planet!"  
  
"Actually, I'm pretty sure he hates Spike more right now," she said. "But listen. He's alive. He's safe - as safe as you get on a Hellmouth, anyway - and he's a good man." Angel glared at her, but she just glared back at him. "I swear, if you argue with me about that or tell him I said it I will stake you." She leaned forward. "Besides, let us not forget that you've hated him as long as he's hated you."  
  
"I have not," Angel protested.  
  
She gave him a look. "Angel, give me a break. You were as jealous of him as he was of you, only you hid it better because you're like, 200 years older than him," she said. She paused and then shook her head. "And, my God, is the whole 'falling in love with Buffy at first sight' thing genetic or what? Because, really, the both of you saw her and that was it!"   
  
"Cordy!" Angel said.   
  
She waved him off. "I know, not helping. Sorry." She took a deep breath and looked at him. "But look, it's better knowing what happened to him, isn't it?"  
  
He shook his head. "How is it better, Cordy? At least before I had the hope of getting him back. Now..." He glared at Wesley. "This is all your fault," he said. "You took my son away from me."  
  
Wesley forced himself to meet Angel's gaze. "There was a prophecy that you were going to kill him. I only wanted to protect him."  
  
"And that's why you handed him over to Holtz?"  
  
"I did not hand him over to Holtz," Wesley said. He motioned to his neck. "This scar should prove that, at least. I only wanted to protect him."  
  
"Well, you failed, didn't you?" Angel said. "And it wasn't your job to protect him, it was mine. He was my son, and you took him away from me!" Angel took a step closer to Wesley. "The bottom line is that because of you, I lost my son. So the killing you option still seems *really* good to me."   
  
Cordelia closed her eyes. "Angel, stop it."  
  
Angel looked at her. "Don't tell me you're defending him," he snapped.  
  
"I'm not," she said. "What he did to you... well, I don't blame you if you never forgive him. But it happened. And think about it, Angel. Would we even be here, like this, if it wasn't for Xander?" Angel frowned. "Okay, like, for instance," Cordelia said. "Wesley. No Xander, Buffy dies for good. With Buffy dead, Giles would never have told the council to go to hell so he never would have gotten fired, therefore, Wesley would never have left England and he wouldn't have ended up here."  
  
"Why should that make any difference?" Angel demanded. "He's still the reason I lost my son! He betrayed me."  
  
"I know that," she said. "I'm just saying you shouldn't kill him over it, okay?" Angel glared at Wesley, but didn't say anything. "Besides," she continued. "You have to figure out what you're going to do about Xander."  
  
"What is there to do?" he asked.  
  
"Duh, I know it's beyond weird, but he's your son," Cordelia said. "Angel, you have to deal with this. He's Connor."  
  
"He's not Connor," Angel snapped. "Let's face it, Cordy. Connor's dead. I don't have a son anymore."  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
After a minute, Xander looked at Buffy. "I don't want to leave," he said. "I just don't want things to go back the way they were. I can't do that again."  
  
"So we'll make sure they don't," Buffy said, relief evident in her voice. "We won't bottle stuff up. If we hurt each other, we'll talk it out." She smiled, shrugging. "Or maybe we'll yell, considering how good we both are at that." Xander smiled and shook his head. "But we'll work it out."  
  
"Yeah," Xander said. "You're my best friend, you know that? You and Will."  
  
"I know," Buffy said. "You and Will are my best friend, too." She smiled at him. "So are we all made up, now?"  
  
Xander grinned. "Well, according to Willow's rules, a minimum of a hug is necessary for it to be official," he said.   
  
"Can't argue with Willow," Buffy said, grinning back at him. They got up and met each other halfway, hugging each other tightly.   
  
After a moment, they stepped back. "So, I'm assuming you don't have a car here and I'll be driving you home?" Xander asked.   
  
She frowned. "Xander..."  
  
He took a few steps towards the door. "I figure if we leave now, traffic will be light enough..."  
  
"Xander," Buffy said again, crossing her arms across her chest. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Leaving," he said. "Don't you want to get home?"  
  
She looked at him steadily. "We can't leave until we deal with the other thing, remember?"   
  
He shrugged, his face going blank. "Like you said, it doesn't matter. There's nothing to deal with."   
  
"Yes, there is," she said. "Xander, I can't even imagine what you're going through, but Angel's your father."  
  
"He's not my father," he said, growing tense.   
  
She sighed. "Denial won't help, Xander, you can't-"  
  
"It's not denial," Xander said. "It's just the way it is. He wasn't there, he didn't raise me, so he's not my father." He stared at her. "That's it, end of story." She started to speak again but he cut her off. "No! Buffy, I'm not doing this. I'm going back to Sunnydale. You can either come with me now, or I'll see you there, but I'm leaving." He looked at her, waiting for her response.   
  
Buffy stared at him. "Xander, you have to-"  
  
"Fine," he said, interrupting her again. "I'll see you at home." He turned around and walked out of the room. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Dealing With the Truth" - Chapter 3  
  
by Maggie C.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: This part took a little longer than I would have liked, but real life insisted I pay attention to it, so the story got put on hold for a little while. I'm hoping I can get the next part out a little faster. Again, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this story, I really appreciate all the support and nice words.   
  
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Buffy rushed out after Xander. "Alexander Lavelle Harris, stop right there!" she yelled.  
  
He turned around. "What?" he snapped. "You can't force me to make nice with Deadboy."  
  
"All I said was that you have to deal with this," she said. "If you don't want to talk to Angel, fine. But you are going to talk to me."  
  
"Buffy, we can talk at home."  
  
She shook her head. "No, we can't, because when we get home, you'll keep putting me off like you're doing right now."  
  
"Buffy, I'm fine," he said forcefully. "Just let it go."  
  
She stared at him angrily. "You really think I'm just going to let it go when you said you weren't even human?"  
  
Xander sighed. "Buffy, I'm fine."  
  
"The hell you are," she said. "Now, we're going to talk about this. Do you want to do this out in the hallway, or will you come back into the room?"  
  
He glared at her, and she returned his angry gaze calmly. The staring match continued for a minute before he conceded. "Fine. The faster we get this over with, the faster we're out of here." He pushed past her and went back into the hotel room.  
  
Buffy followed him in and closed the door. He went right to the window - it seemed to be a favorite spot of his. She waited for a minute before prompting him. "So?"  
  
"So, what?" he asked, shrugging slightly. "You're the one who wants to talk, so talk."  
  
"Fine, I will," she said. "You don't feel like you're human anymore."  
  
"Buffy, that's stupid, I don't-"  
  
"Yeah, it is stupid, but you do feel like that," she said. "You found out you were Angel and Darla's son and now you feel like you're less than human. You feel like you don't belong with us, because you weren't supposed to be in our time."  
  
"News flash, Buffy, I *wasn't* supposed to be there!" he exclaimed. He stared at her, and she could see how much this was hurting him. "And how can I be human if I'm the son of two vampires?"  
  
"I don't know how," she admitted. "But you are. You're the most human person I know. And you do belong here, Xander."  
  
He closed his eyes. "You don't know what it feels like, Buffy."  
  
"But I do," she said. "I know what it feels like to not belong. I was in heaven." He frowned, a guilty expression passing across his face. "And then I came back, and I didn't feel like I belonged with the living. I didn't feel human anymore, Xander." She looked at him steadily. "I know what it feels like."  
  
"It's different." He turned away again.  
  
"Spike can hit me," she said. Xander looked at her in surprise. "He can hit me without the chip kicking in. I thought I came back wrong, that I wasn't human anymore." She took a deep breath. "Tara told me it was just a side effect of the spell, and I believe that now, but for awhile I didn't. I do know what it feels like, Xander. Don't try to say I don't."  
  
He stared at her for a moment longer. "He hit you?" he asked. She nodded. "More than once?"  
  
"Yes. I-" she lowered her gaze to the floor. "I hit him too."  
  
He was quiet for a minute before he responded. "That is fucked up, Buffy."  
  
"I know," she said, relieved that his voice wasn't full of disgust or anger. Buffy took a few steps closer to him, so she was standing right in front of him. She looked him straight in the eyes. "Listen. We make our own place in the world. After struggling with destiny and prophesies for almost 7 years, I finally get that. And you're a big part of why I get that. You've never thought that we didn't have control over what happened. You've never thought there was anything we couldn't beat. Everyone thought I was going to die, including me, and Giles, and Angel, but you wouldn't believe that, and you found a way to save me." She laid a hand on his arm. "You have a place in this world. You have people who love you. All of this doesn't change that."  
  
Xander just looked at her. "You've already said that."  
  
"And I'm going to keep saying it until you believe it."  
  
"How do you know I don't?" he asked.  
  
"I have been paying attention these last few years, Xander, even if it didn't seem like it," she said, smiling slightly.   
  
He sighed and went back to the window. Buffy debated following him for a moment, but finally retreated to the couch, giving him his space.   
  
"I hate this, Buffy."  
  
Her heart broke at the pain in his voice. "I know you do."  
  
He looked at her. "Do you? Do you really?" He clenched his fists. "I hate vampires more than anything in the world. Now it turns out I'm the son of two of them!" He started pacing across the room. "And not just any two vampires, no, it's two vampires I know and hate with a passion!" He stopped and ran his hands through his hair. "God, Angel is bad enough. I hate him, but at least he's one of the good guys most of the time. But Darla..." his voice was full of venom. "God damn it!" He slammed his hand against the wall. "What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?"  
  
"You didn't do anything, Xander," Buffy was quick to assure him. "This isn't a punishment. It just is."  
  
"This sucks, Buffy," he said. "How can she be my *mother*? She killed my best friend!"  
  
It took only a moment for her to catch up and she looked at him sadly. "Jesse."  
  
"She *took* him," Xander said. "She took him, and she killed him, and she turned him into a vampire and I had to stake my best friend because of *her*." He shook his head. "I hate her, probably more than anyone else in the world, and she turns out to be my mother? What the hell is that?"  
  
"I don't know," she said. "You're right. It sucks, and I don't know what to say."  
  
"Then why are we even having this discussion?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
"Xander," she chided.  
  
He sighed. "Sorry." They were quiet for a few minutes. "You think I should talk to him, don't you?"  
  
"I... yes," Buffy said. Xander glared at her. She sighed. "Look, I'm not saying make nice with him, I just think that you should talk to him. Or yell at him. Whatever. You need to settle this with him, Xander, one way or another, otherwise it will always be there, and you'll never be able to get past this."  
  
"I don't want to," he said harshly. "I don't want to think about it, I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to deal with it."  
  
"You don't have a choice," she said quietly. "It's not just going to go away, Xander."  
  
He closed his eyes. "I know."  
  
A knock on the door interrupted the silence this time. They turned around to see Cordelia and Wesley in the doorway. "Can we come in?" Cordelia asked.  
  
Buffy looked at Xander, letting him answer. "Sure," he said, shrugging. "Why not." Cordelia went over to the other end of the room, near Xander, and Wesley stayed by the door. Xander looked at Wesley. "So, does he still want your head on a platter?"  
  
Cordelia shot him a look, but Xander ignored it. Wesley sighed. "You know he has good reason to be upset with me."  
  
"He's overreacting," Xander muttered.  
  
"He's hurting," Cordelia said. "He just lost his son, Xander." Xander grimaced and turned back to the window. She sighed and then looked at Buffy. "I know you might not want to, but will you talk to him? He shut me out after I told him he shouldn't kill Wesley. You might be able to get through to him."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Xander? It's up to you."  
  
He shrugged. "It's fine. Go ahead."  
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
He looked at her gratefully. She was putting him first, even though he could tell she wanted to go. "I'm sure."  
  
She nodded and got up. "Uh, where is he?"  
  
"I'll show you," Wesley said.   
  
They left the room, and Cordelia looked over at Xander gratefully. "Thanks, Xander. Angel's really-"  
  
"Cordy, I don't want to hear it," he said. He looked at her with a stony expression. "Buffy's talking to him, and that's fine, but I don't want to hear another word about it, okay?"  
  
"All right," she said, knowing him well enough to know when to back off. She sat down on the couch and then smirked at him. "I changed your diapers, you know."  
  
He shot her a scathing look. "I hope I spit up on your favorite shirt."  
  
She grinned. He was returning her barbs; that was a good sign. "Dress, actually." He rolled his eyes. "So I take it you're not totally freaking out over this?"  
  
He shook his head and sat down next to her on the couch. "No one will let me," he joked, hoping she would take the hint and not press further. He was tired of talking about himself and his reaction to it all. "So what do you think about this?"  
  
"You mean, aside from the fact that I changed my ex-boyfriend's diapers?" He gave her another look and she relented. "Honestly? I'll miss Connor, a lot," she said. "But I'm glad I got the chance to know Xander." She smiled. "My rapier wit might not be half as sharp as it is if I didn't have you to practice on."  
  
He smiled in spite of it all. "Some things never change."  
  
"The best things never do," she said. "So I guess you don't want to talk about it?"  
  
"That would be right," he said, keeping his tone light.   
  
"Can I say one thing?" she asked. After a minute, he nodded. "It would be good if you talked to him before you left. I know you guys will probably never be friends or anything even approaching that, but if you could just talk to him..." She tried to catch his gaze, but Xander wouldn't look at her. She sighed. "Angel just lost his son. He needs some type of closure. So do you."  
  
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Did you and Buffy compare notes or something? She said the same thing five minutes ago."  
  
"Well, hey, if me and Buffy agree, we must be right," she joked. She grew serious. "Listen, no matter what we think, it's your choice. I won't say anything else about it." He nodded. "So," she said brightly, changing the subject. "How's Anya?"  
  
He grimaced. "Cordy, you actually hit upon a more painful subject. Thank you so much."  
  
"What happened?" she asked, frowning. "I thought you guys were doing good, you were supposed to get married, weren't you?"  
  
Xander stared at the floor. "I screwed up." He took a deep breath. "I left her at the altar, Cordy."  
  
She stared at him in shock. "You left an ex-vengeance demon at the altar? Are you insane?"  
  
"I think I'm getting there," he said with a self-deprecating laugh.  
  
"Why would you do that?"  
  
"Because I'm an idiot?"  
  
"No, Xander, why?" she asked. "The real reason."  
  
He closed his eyes. "There was a demon, posing as me from the future. He showed me how I would turn out if I married Anya. It was bad."  
  
"But it wasn't real," Cordy said.  
  
"It could have been," he said.  
  
She shook her head in confusion. "Xander, what in the world..." she trailed off as she put the pieces together. She sighed and shook her head again. "Xander, look at me," she said. He raised his head. "Not on the worst day of your life, you hear me? You could never be like that."  
  
"I've had some pretty bad days, Cordy."  
  
She narrowed her eyes. "I repeat. Not on the worst day of your life." He looked away. "Listen, I know it's bad, really bad, but maybe you can explain-"  
  
"She slept with Spike."  
  
That brought her up short. "I thought he was sleeping with Buffy?"  
  
"That was awhile ago. I just found out about it last night," Xander said. "Right after I saw Anya and Spike live and on video."  
  
"They *taped* it?" she asked incredulously.  
  
He sighed tiredly. "No, there was... it's a long story."  
  
She stared at him for a minute. "Wow. You've had a really crappy couple of days."   
  
"Your ability to point out the obvious amazes me." 


	4. Chapter 4

"Dealing With the Truth" - Chapter 4  
  
by Maggie C.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: We're almost at the end. One more chapter, maybe two, and then this story will be wrapped up. Again, thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed this story. I'm still amazed that so many people are really enjoying this, so thanks.   
  
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Buffy glanced at Wesley. "They're really upset with you."  
  
He kept his gaze focused ahead. "Yes, they are."  
  
"Do you think you guys will be able to work it out?"  
  
"I somehow doubt it," he said bitterly. "Angel's still debating the merits of killing me."  
  
"What will you do?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm certainly not wanted here."  
  
"Are you leaving LA?" she asked.  
  
He stopped. "I... I hadn't thought that far ahead," he said quietly.   
  
"You could come to Sunnydale, you know," she said. He looked at her in surprise. "I know it's not... your home, but you'd have friends there."  
  
He stared at her for a minute and then smiled slightly. "I never would have thought that you'd be inviting me back to Sunnydale."  
  
She smiled back. "High school was a long time ago. And we've both changed a lot." She shrugged. "I know you messed up, bad, but with the year we've had in Sunnydale, you'd fit right in. I just want you to know you have somewhere to go."  
  
Wesley didn't know what to say. "I... thank you for the offer, but I think I'll stay in LA. At least for the time being." He pointed down the hall. "Angel's right down that way," he said. "Last door on the right."  
  
"Thanks, Wesley," she said. "And don't sneak off without saying goodbye, okay?" He nodded and then went off in the other direction.   
  
Buffy went to the door and tried it; it was locked. She knocked, but got no response. "Angel, it's me," she said. "Can I come in?" There was still no answer from inside. She sighed. "Angel, let me in. I'm not going to go away until we talk, and I'll break the door down if I have to."  
  
He opened the door but stayed in the doorway. "I don't want to talk."  
  
"Well, we don't always get what we want," she said, pushing past him.  
  
"Believe me, I'm familiar with the concept," he said, slamming the door shut.   
  
Buffy ignored his actions. "Why didn't you tell me you had a son?"  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you were sleeping with Spike?" He quashed down the pang of guilt he felt when she winced.   
  
"Angel..."  
  
"What, we can talk about subjects that are painful for me, but not you?"  
  
"Do you really think there's anything you can say to me that I haven't already thought a million times? Sleeping with Spike was a huge mistake, I know this. You can't possibly make me feel any worse about what I did, Angel."  
  
His anger started draining away. "You could have come to me, if you were feeling that badly, Buffy. You didn't have to sleep with Spike."   
  
"And I could have talked to Willow, or Xander, Dawn, Tara... Spike was easy. I didn't have to worry about hurting him because I didn't care. Once it started, I was too ashamed to talk to anyone, so I turned back to Spike. But I've stopped. It was hard, and now I have a lot to make up for, but I'm trying." She looked at him steadily. "I screwed up and I'm trying to fix it, okay, Angel?"  
  
Angel was quiet for a minute. "The timing was never right."  
  
"What?" The change in subject took her off guard.   
  
"I never told you about Connor because the timing was never right. Given the way our last conversation went, I didn't even know how to tell you. What was I supposed to do, just call up and say, 'Hi, I have a son'?"  
  
She shrugged. "Sounds all right to me. But I see your point."  
  
"I kept meaning to tell you," he said.   
  
Buffy nodded and leaned against the desk. She smiled sadly. "I wish I could have seen you with him. I bet you were a great dad."  
  
Angel closed his eyes against the pain. "I loved my son more than anything in this world, Buffy."   
  
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about what happened." He nodded. "What are you going to do now?"  
  
"Grieve," he said. "I have to face facts. My son's dead and I'm never getting him back."  
  
"That's it? You're not even going to acknowledge that Xander's your son?"  
  
Angel glared at her. "He is not my son. In every way that counts, Connor died when he went through that portal."  
  
"You're right. Connor died, and Xander was born. And Xander is your son, Angel."  
  
"Oh, he's really not."  
  
Buffy sighed. "Yes, he is, Angel."  
  
"No, he's not! God, Buffy, you have no idea how hard this is! I want my son back more than anything!"  
  
She bit her lip. "If there was a way, would you do it?"  
  
That brought him up short. "What?"  
  
"If there was a way to open the portal again and get Connor back, would you?"  
  
He stared at her for a minute. "I'd want to," he said. "But I don't know if I could risk it. He's changed too much."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Buffy said. "On my way over here, I was trying to figure out what would be different, you know? I mean, the big thing would be that I wouldn't be here. But there's so much other stuff, too. I don't know if Willow would have gotten involved in the slaying if he hadn't found out about it. Dawn wouldn't even exist... or she'd be some other slayer's sister. Plus, if I died, we never would have fallen in love, so..."  
  
"No Angelus," he said. They were quiet for a minute. "There's too much. I can't risk changing it." He closed his eyes in pain. "Which just brings us back to the fact that my son is dead."   
  
"Angel..."  
  
"Buffy, don't," he snapped. "You think I don't want my son back? If it was anyone else, if I didn't know them... yeah, I could do it. I could handle the fact that I missed my son's childhood and I could try to rebuild... something. But it's Xander Harris. Too much has happened between us, we've hated each other for too long to get past it."  
  
"So that's it?" She shook her head. "You're just going to ignore it."  
  
"Yeah, that's the plan," he said, starting to get annoyed again. "You two will go back to Sunnydale, I'll be here, and we'll all go back to ignoring each other except for the occasional apocalypse. What more do you want?"  
  
"I don't know," she said, throwing up her hands. "Talk to him? Deal with it?"  
  
"Buffy, he hates me, I hate him. That doesn't change or go away because of this little twist of fate."  
  
"I don't expect it to," she snapped. "In fact, I don't even really want you guys to stop hating each other. It's been one of the few constants in my life, I'd hate for that to change!" She sighed, lowering her voice back to a normal level. "I'm sorry. Maybe you guys are right, maybe talking won't help anything. It's just... you guys have never really had it out. So all of the stuff between you just keeps building, and now, with this..." she sighed again. "I thought it would help you guys to talk."  
  
"Not every problem can be solved by talking about it," Angel said.   
  
"Yeah, I know," Buffy said. She sighed again and got up. "Well, I guess that's it, then. I'll go collect Xander and we'll get going."  
  
Angel looked at her, startled. "You're leaving?"  
  
"Well, yeah," she said. "I want to get back to Dawn, and we both have work... unless you want to talk some more. But I kinda got the impression we were done."  
  
"No, it's fine," Angel said quickly. "I just... I thought you'd tell me I shouldn't kill Wesley before you left."  
  
Buffy smiled slightly. "I don't need to. You aren't going to kill him."  
  
He frowned. "He stole my son, Buffy. I'm not going to forgive him for that just because he had good intentions."  
  
"I didn't say you were going to forgive him," she said. "But I know you won't kill him."  
  
He looked at her, confused. "What makes you so sure?"  
  
"You're not a killer, Angel. Wesley's human and you won't kill a human being, no matter how much you might want to. You're better than that."  
  
Angel stared at her for a minute. "You don't know how much he hurt me."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"I came pretty close to killing him already," he said.   
  
"Yeah, but you didn't." Buffy shrugged. "I don't know what will happen between you two, and it's not really my place to say what you should do, but I was never worried about you killing him."  
  
Angel nodded, touched by her faith in him. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome," she said. There was another stretch of silence between them. "So I guess this is goodbye," she said. "Until the next apocalypse, anyway."   
  
"I guess so," he said.   
  
She smiled. "Goodbye, Angel." She turned around and headed for the door.  
  
"Buffy, wait," he said, almost before he realized he was going to speak. She turned back to him. "I..." he trailed off. "Never mind."  
  
"You want to talk to him, don't you?" she asked.   
  
He wanted to deny it. He wanted to just send her on her way and forget about it, but something inside him wouldn't let him. "I won't really have another chance, will I?"  
  
"Probably not," she said. "You guys haven't seen each other since you left town... I don't think you'll just run into each other."  
  
"I could just talk to him later. After things have settled down," he said.   
  
"You could do that," Buffy said.   
  
"Except I won't," Angel said, forcing himself to face facts. "If I don't do this now I'll never do it." He shook his head. "Damn it." He was quiet for a minute. "What the hell am I doing? I don't even know what I'd say."  
  
"You could say whatever you want." She paused for a minute, but he just stared at the wall, deep in thought. "Isn't the point that you get to say it?" She sighed when he still didn't respond. "Do you at least want to go and see if he'll talk to you?"  
  
"Who are you trying to kid, Buffy?" Angel said. "He won't. You might as well just go."  
  
She folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, Angel, that's it. You're trying to get me to make you go talk to Xander. You're a big boy. Decide for yourself, yes or no, do you want to go see if he'll talk to you?"  
  
Angel clenched his jaw, angry that he had to make the choice at all. He didn't want to talk to him, but at the same time, some part of him needed to face Xander. "Fine. I'll go. But he won't want to talk to me, so this is all pointless."  
  
"Whatever you say, Angel," Buffy said. They left the office and went back to the room where Xander and Cordelia were talking. Buffy entered first, with Angel right behind her.   
  
Xander stood up and tensed when he saw Angel. He glared at Buffy. She held up her hands. "Xander, we can leave right now, or you guys can talk. It's up to you." Xander stared at her for a long minute.   
  
Angel was positive that he was just going to leave. He was sure that there was no way Xander would agree to talk to him. "Fine," Xander said, looking at Angel. "We'll talk." Angel stared back at him, completely surprised.  
  
Cordelia and Buffy looked just as surprised. "Well, okay, then," Cordelia said brightly. She got up and went over to Buffy. She looked at Angel and Xander, who were still staring at each other. "We'll just go, so you guys can... talk."  
  
"Right," Buffy said. "Um, we'll be... somewhere, if you need us."  
  
"Yeah," Cordelia said, watching them worriedly. They still didn't break their staring contest. "Okay, then. Don't kill each other." Buffy shot her a look, and she shrugged, going to the door. Then they left the room, leaving Angel and Xander alone. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Dealing With the Truth" - Chapter 5  
  
by Maggie C.  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.   
  
Author's Notes: Last part, guys. I want to say thank you to each and every person who's reviewed this story. Seriously, thanks. I've gotten some amazing compliments from you guys, and they mean a lot. I'd start listing names and going into details but I'm afraid that would make the author's notes longer than this part. (That's another thing that amazes me.) Anyway, on to the story...  
  
----------------  
  
"Just to make it clear, my agreeing to talk to you in no way changes the fact that I hate your guts," Xander said.   
  
"The feeling's mutual," Angel said.   
  
"Fine. As long as we have that straight."  
  
"Fine," he said.   
  
After a minute, Xander broke the silence that had settled over them. "So why'd you want to talk to me?"  
  
Angel shrugged. He still couldn't answer that. "I don't know. Why'd you agree to talk to me?"  
  
"I have no clue," he snapped. He sighed. "God damn it, this sucks beyond belief."  
  
"You're telling me," Angel said.   
  
There was another long stretch of silence. Angel finally shook his head. "Why did we agree to this? We have nothing to say to each other." He turned to walk away.  
  
Xander sighed in frustration. "Do you want to know why I've always hated you?"  
  
Angel stopped and looked at him. He knew the answer to that question. "Because of Buffy."  
  
"No, that wasn't it," he said. Angel raised an eyebrow and Xander relented. "Alright, yeah, that was part of it. You had her, I wanted her, and it pissed me off. But that wasn't all of it." He stared at Angel for a minute before he continued. "It was because of what you did - well, what you didn't do."   
  
Angel frowned. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Xander crossed his arms across his chest. "When you found out about the Harvest, what did you do?"  
  
"I warned Buffy."  
  
"And when she went into the tunnels after Jesse?"  
  
Angel glared at him, starting to see where he was heading. "I told her to be careful."  
  
"And when Buffy faced the Master, where were you?"  
  
"In my apartment," he said through clenched teeth. "Until you came along." Angel fumed. Where the hell did Xander get off judging him? "You know, as long as we're discussing the reasons we hate each other - what the hell were you thinking back then? Or were you even thinking at all?" Xander bristled at that. Angel pressed on. "You threw yourself into every situation, ignoring any danger and any consequences. You weren't strong enough to fight the things Buffy faced and you never once stopped to think that she might have been better off without you trying to help. You were trying to impress her and you were too stupid to realize how dangerous it all was."  
  
"Fuck you," Xander snapped. "I knew exactly how dangerous it was. My best friend was turned into a vampire and I had to stake him. Don't dare tell me I didn't know the risks."  
  
"And yet, you still threw yourself into every single fight," Angel said. "Fights you were in no way prepared for. Were you that desperate to impress her or did you just have a death wish?"  
  
"Maybe I just wasn't a fucking coward like some people!" he yelled. Angel clenched his fists at his sides, and Xander met his furious gaze with one of his own. "Let me ask you something, Deadboy. Before Buffy came, did you ever once stop a vampire from feeding on someone? Or were you just too scared?"  
  
"I helped where I could," Angel snapped.  
  
"As long as you didn't risk your neck in the process, right?" Angel was quiet, not answering the question either way. Xander snorted in disgust and turned away.   
  
Angel glowered at him, fighting the impulse to go throw him out the window. Xander had no right to say those things... even if Angel had thought some of the same things himself. He hadn't much liked who he had been before he met Buffy. After a minute, he managed to calm down. If he really wanted to do this, he could give in a little. "I should have done more back then."  
  
Xander spun around and stared at Angel in surprise. He hadn't expected him to admit to anything. Suddenly, he realized that Angel was really trying. Xander knew that he could either be a stubborn brat about it or try to meet him halfway. He fought against the urge to be a stubborn brat. "I probably should have stopped to think before I acted, more," he said. "But it wasn't all about impressing Buffy. You have no idea what it was like growing up on the Hellmouth."  
  
"What was it like?" Angel asked.   
  
Xander was quiet for a minute before he started talking. "People disappear every day in Sunnydale. People are killed every day in Sunnydale. I grew up thinking that was normal. Every couple of months, I was at a funeral or a wake for someone I knew. The school newspapers print obituaries, for God's sake! Once I knew what was really going on, I just -" he sighed. "I had to try and help."  
  
Angel didn't know what to say to that, so the conversation died. After a few minutes, Xander looked at Angel. "I think it's your turn to break the uncomfortable silence."  
  
Angel had a momentary urge to smile, but he suppressed it. "Well, there is something I've always wondered." Xander waited for him to go on. "Why do you keep things from Buffy and the others?"  
  
Xander looked at him warily. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"That scene at the hospital with my demon, for one," he said. "You never breathed a word of that to anyone. He did go there to kill her, you know."  
  
"No, really? I thought he was just there to bring her flowers," Xander said sarcastically. He rolled his eyes and then shrugged. "I didn't tell her because she had enough to worry about. It wasn't important."  
  
Angel crossed his arms across his chest. "Why didn't you didn't tell anyone about the bomb?"  
  
Xander's eyes widened and then he forced a confused expression on his face. "What bomb?" Angel just gave him a look, and Xander gave up the deception and sighed. "Fine. How the hell did you know about that?"  
  
"I heard about the bomb and put two and two together. You were acting pretty strange that night, even for you. So?"  
  
"I didn't think I needed to," Xander said after a minute. "I barely pulled it off anyway, and it just wasn't that important, especially compared to the end of the world."  
  
Angel stared at him incredulously and then laughed. "Jesus, Xander, you don't even get it."  
  
"Get what?" he asked, annoyed.  
  
"The reason I heard about the bomb is that the demons who hired Jack to plant it were pissed off at him and wanted his head. It was the failsafe, to make sure the rest of us weren't able to close the Hellmouth. After all, who would expect demons to plant a bomb?"  
  
"Well, shit," Xander said, staring at him in shock.   
  
Angel snorted. "Yeah, no kidding. It's probably a good thing you kept it quiet. If the demons found out, they probably would have killed you."  
  
"Better be careful," he said dryly. "You're implying you don't want me dead."  
  
"I've never wanted you dead," Angel said. Xander just raised an eyebrow. Angel shrugged, smirking slightly. "Well, maybe once or twice, when you were being especially annoying. I'm sure it's considerably less than the times you've wished me dead."  
  
"Most of the time, I just wished you would go away," Xander said. "Of course, you were really pressing your luck every time you used me in your latest scheme to convince the bad guys you were bad without bothering to tell me about it."  
  
"I only did that once," Angel said. He thought back. "Well, twice."  
  
Xander just shook his head and looked out the window. His lie weighed on his mind. He felt like he should tell him, but he had been keeping it a secret for so long... habit was hard to break. Part of him wanted to just come clean, but part of him just wanted to keep it buried in the past. Finally, he reached a decision. "Speaking of you wanting me dead... I should probably tell you something," Xander said. He turned around and looked at Angel.  
  
"Go on," Angel said, wondering what Xander could have to tell him.   
  
"Back during the whole Acathla thing, I knew Willow was trying the soul spell again. I was supposed to tell Buffy, so she could stall or something, but I didn't." He forced himself to meet Angel's gaze. "I lied, and I'd do it again."  
  
Angel had crossed the distance between him and Xander and punched him before he even realized he was going to do it. That time in hell was probably the worst period in his life, and that was saying a lot. Finding out Xander had a part in sending him there was too much.  
  
Xander had stumbled back from the force of the punch and fell to the floor. He sat up and touched his jaw gingerly, thankful that it wasn't broken. "I was expecting that," he said.   
  
Angel stared down at Xander, thinking about that night, reviewing the fight with Buffy in his mind. He came to a realization. "Xander. Thank you."  
  
"Huh?" Xander stared at him, completely confused.   
  
Angel held out his hand to help him up. "Thank you for lying."  
  
Xander stared at him for a moment more. "Okay... you must have hit me harder than I thought."  
  
Angel sighed and hauled Xander up to his feet. "You heard me right. I remember what happened. When we fought that night, it was the first time Buffy didn't hold back. The fight was close. If she had known my soul might be restored, I think she would have held back."  
  
"She might have been able to stall, you know," he said.  
  
"He could have killed her a couple of times as it was. I don't like taking chances with Buffy's life."  
  
Xander just kept staring. "You know, I'm not entirely sure I did it for that reason. I might have just done it because I hated you."  
  
Angel smiled wryly. "Xander, please. The one thing I always understood about you is that you put Buffy first, no matter what. You did it to protect her."   
  
"Huh," Xander said. "Uh... thanks? I guess," he said uncertainly.   
  
Angel just nodded. He glanced out the window and then looked back at Xander. "You know, I think we've discussed everything but the reason you're here in the first place."  
  
Xander grimaced. "Yeah, I know." He didn't say anything else; didn't give any inclination that he wanted that line of conversation to continue at all.   
  
Angel wasn't sure what to say, but he didn't want Xander to leave before talking about it. "So which one of us do you think pissed off Fate enough for them to pull this?"  
  
Xander snorted. "The way my life's been going lately, it was probably me."   
  
"I'm not so sure about that," Angel said. "Every time I think I've got my life in order, every time I think I'm going to be happy, content, something happens to blow that idea completely out of the water."  
  
"Uh, isn't that a good thing?" he asked. "You know, considering you have that whole problem with your soul not being permanent?" Angel glared at him, and Xander just shrugged. "What? I'm just saying."   
  
Angel shook his head. "God, I hate this," he muttered.  
  
"That may be the one thing we agree on," Xander said. He shook his head. "You know I used to wish I wasn't the normal one in the group? This is what I get for wishing on the Hellmouth."  
  
Angel snorted. "Xander, you were never normal." Xander glared at him and Angel just gave him a look. "You know what I mean," he said. "You fought vampires and demons. Normal people don't do that."  
  
"This is different. Now I get prophecies written about me," he said.   
  
"Look on the bright side," Angel said.   
  
Xander stared at him in disbelief. "There's a bright side?"  
  
"Yeah, Buffy can't say it's not your fight anymore. That's always pissed you off, hasn't it?"  
  
Xander just shook his head. "Has anyone ever told you you're insane?"  
  
"Of course. I ignore them," he said. Xander rolled his eyes.   
  
Angel looked at Xander intently. By some twist of fate that no one was happy with, Xander was his son. He let his mind wander, wondering what might have been, if things had been different... would Connor have been like Xander? Would Connor have grown up to be anything like Xander, or would he have been completely different?  
  
Xander had noticed Angel's gaze, and guessed at what he was thinking. "I'm not him, Angel." That startled Angel out of his thoughts, and Xander continued. "I'm not your son, and I can't be him."  
  
"I know that," Angel snapped. He really hated this whole miserable situation. "Trust me, Xander, I don't want you to be him."  
  
Xander realized that this whole thing was probably harder on Angel than it was on him. At least he hadn't lost anyone he loved. "I'm sorry, Angel," he said. "I'm sorry you lost him."  
  
His anger evaporated when he heard Xander's sincerity. "Thank you," he said. He looked at him for a second. "So where does that leave us?"  
  
Xander shrugged. "Same place we were before, I guess. I mean, despite the fact that we've been talking for almost..." he checked his watch. "Wow. Forty-five minutes without trying to kill each other, we still pretty much hate each other, right?"   
  
"That's true," Angel agreed. "But... maybe we could work on that."  
  
Xander shook his head. "We're never going to be friends, Angel."  
  
"How about allies?" he suggested.  
  
"Weren't we that before?" Xander said, raising an eyebrow.   
  
Angel smiled slightly. "How about allies who don't want to kill each other?"  
  
Xander snorted. "Well, it'll be a stretch, but I think I can handle that." They were quiet for a minute, and then Xander broke the silence. "I'd better go find Buffy and take off. We need to get home." Angel nodded, and Xander started to leave.   
  
Angel hesitated for a brief second before calling out. "Xander." Xander stopped and looked at him questioningly. Angel held out his hand. "See you around?" Xander looked at him, startled, and for a moment, Angel thought he was going to just leave. But then he stepped forward and grasped Angel's hand, shaking it firmly.   
  
Xander stared at Angel for a minute, and then nodded as he released his hand. "See you around, Deadboy." He just smirked when Angel gave him an annoyed look, and then turned and walked out of the room.   
  
He found Buffy talking with Cordelia in the lobby. They said their goodbyes and went out to Xander's car and started back to Sunnydale.   
  
Buffy watched him in concern, and when they reached the highway, she asked again. "How are you doing, really?" she asked.   
  
He reached over and squeezed her hand. "I'll be okay, Buffy." He was the son of vampires. He'd never like that, but he'd deal. His friends would help. His friends, which included a Slayer, a Watcher, two witches, and a mystical key. "At least I finally fit in with the rest of you weirdos." Buffy smacked him in the arm. He just grinned and looked at the road. Things would be okay.  
  
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The End.   
  
Author's Notes Part 2: I have a feeling some people are going to ask for a sequel. I do have an idea for one but it's still taking form, so it might be awhile, if it gets written at all. We'll see. Thanks again to everyone who's read this story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. 


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